My husbands family has this long-running inside joke about the phrase 'what it is, is..." It's a phrase commonly used when trying to explain something that is more complicated. Because sometimes we can't always put our finger on what, exactly it IS.
The phrase is often an used as an interlude into something that either the speaker isn't communicating very well, or a difficult topic. And ometimes, we just don't know what the heck we are talking about and break it down with a "you see, what it is, is..." The phrase is usually followed by a unanimous chuckle and then a regrouping to get to the point.
I've had a "what it is, is" week. And I'm not exactly sure what it IS. What ever the IS is, it's had me up and down all week.
First, my daughter is starting pre-school this week. I thought weeks ago that I would be completely fine with it. Little did I know that when I went to drop off her paper work and see her room, I walked in and nearly cried. I reached out to my friends looking for some comfort that it gets easier, this letting them go thing, and unfortunately, the overwhelming majority said 'no.'
You see, what it is, is, when I walked into the room, I just thought about how much she will absolutely love it; and then I thought, she's never going to need me again! I could just see her, wistfully waving goodbye like "see ya later, Mom!" and never looking back. I know (at least hope) that we still have a long time toghther, but it just felt so overwhelming to me. When I got to the car, I streamed tears the entire way home. And then we went to her open house, and I sat there thinking about how this is good and fine. We left, and again, I sat there in the car in tears. I'm sure getting used to idea of letting our kids grow up and become their own person gets easier, but it's all so complex. The idea of letting them go and giving them up but still protecting and nurturing them is like in and yang.
My IS is all outta whack. It's tough to explain, I feel.
The other thing that has thrown me for a loop this week is some things with Wyatt.With Eden starting school, I think about Wyatt starting school and how I'll handle that. But then I worried about the fact that he's not walking yet and how his gross motor skills will be and about his speech quality and his clarity of speech. Then I started thinking about him graduating and post-secondary plans...and all sorts of things! Holy snow ball from hell!
What it is, is...I think that I just need to calm down and take a step back.
I am anxious. I just started a new job and my daughter is going to pre-school and none of us are used to my new schedule yet and I want Wyatt to walk, like NOW. I know the walking will come, but this week I've seen a few kids Wyatt's age running and climbing and doing things he is not yet, and that sometimes makes me feel a little sad and anxious. When I get anxious or nervous, my head gets foggy and I feel out of control. Then I think about all the things I don't know and don't have control over and it all gets overwhelming.
I think sometimes I need to think about that phrase, which was born out of humor, but has much truth in it: What it is, is... Originally was intended for beginning an explanation.
But what if there's nothing more to that phrase? What if you just stop there and leave out the explanation?
What it is...IS.
I want to relinquish control and Lord (literally) knows that can be tough for me. But I just need to let my IS's be. Sometimes, it is what it is. I need not worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. I don't need to always go into lengthy explanations about why I'm feeling sad or anxious, or even justification for feeling happy! Rather I should try more often to just let it be what it is and be in the moment.
I will cry when I drop Eden off at pre-school for her first day on Tuesday. And she will need me again, for a long time coming, just as I still need my Mom at age 36! Schedules will change and then fall into place again. Wyatt will walk and face more challenges and many successes. And I will try to not let that snowball take me to far away places that I can't control.
And that's just what it IS.
What is YOUR "IS" about this week?
And please...if you are reading from outside of the US, I would LOVE to hear from you!! Please leave a message and tell me about yourself!