As I get closer to finishing my masters and my final class for my resident (read: permanent) teaching license, I have been very reflective. I think some days I'm trying to hold on to all the memories of the past few years like they are going to go somewhere! This has been a crazy three years, but none as wild as this past year.
This week, I was reminded of a very stark memory of The Pampers Commercial. It does not matter where I am or what I'm doing, I have to stop and watch the whole thing. And I get teary-eyed every time. It is such a powerful commercial for me because the first time I saw it was right after Wyatt was born. I think it was one of the first realizations that:
1. I was not alone in this
2. That he is my baby.
He is MY baby.
He is my BABY!
When Wyatt went into the NICU, we really did not have a full picture of what was happening. It was a very lonesome feeling. We had cut ourselves off from contact with many friends because we just didn't know how to tell them what was happening. How could we? We could barely process it ourselves. We weren't sure at first if he was okay or not and I was wrapped in complete, debilitating fear that he would never come home with us. Those first few days I was so scared to love him as much as I knew I did. I didn't want to lose him and let myself feel that much pain, or even happiness for that matter. I tried hard not to think too much, but all sorts of thoughts flooded in without warning or control. When I saw this commercial, it was breathtaking for me. It was healing for me. This is when I started to come out of those cement shoes of fear. We started to understand what was going on and that Wyatt was going to be fine. You see, there are many, many types of [EXTRA]ordinary families in this world (with or with out the extra chromosome). "Typical" is so far from the norm. We were not the only ones out there going through something. That realization was a great relief (as obvious it should have been!). That day, I had finally let myself see Wyatt as the special and wonderful and perfect baby he was, just like I hoped he would be. He was all MINE. And for one of the first times, I felt immense gratitude for him.
This commercial wrapped it all up for me for some reason. And now every time I see it, I'm transported back to that day; the day I stopped holding back and started to release my fear of the unknown and embrace it with everything I had.