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Our lives became a little [EXTRA] special on February 15, 2011 in a way we never expected.







This is about our journey and the [EXTRA]ordinary people we meet along the way.







Thursday, April 26, 2012

Would you take it away?

The East Side Moms group hosted a Mom's night out this past week. We had six members show up that night and I think we ordered about half of the menu at Latitudes Cafe in Anderson Township. I like going there because not only were the owners the best men in our wedding, but they also share a birthday with Wyatt. Good men, good day, good food.

Our groups' conversation started with the usual catch up with how everyone is, and reminding each other of names of kids, etc. for those of us that hadn't seen each other in a while. Attendees included Tika, Callie, Missy, Melissa, Kelly and myself. We ordered our drinks and food. Soon plates arrived and were passed and shared. Our conversation was light at first. Our book club book was passed to those of us who hadn't had one yet. We're reading Kelle Hampton's Bloom and we briefly discussed it. Then, as if on cue, our Kelly proposed a poignant question:

"Would you take it away?" she asked.

I knew what she meant immediately: Would we take Down syndrome away from our children, if we could?

I was surprised by my immediate reaction: "Yes," I said emphatically.

But then I paused and thought, and listened. Other Mom's chimed in. I heard a few "no's": it's not something they'd change because of how it's affected their lives. Others agreed with my response and said "yes": they wouldn't want their child to struggle if they could choose. I think we were about half split. Either Tika or Missy commented that she loves how we can be talking about something light one moment and heavy the next without skipping a beat. I agreed, then I pulled back and thought, "you know, maybe I'm not so sure about my answer."

To be honest, I don't know if I would take it away or not. Part of me says no, it's what we were given. Part of me says yes, I want Wyatt to have the least difficult life possible. But I think it was a poignant question because earlier this week I was describing my bout with the What If's and the Why Me's. This question falls right in there, with a twist. But how do I even start to rationalize my answer to this question - on either end? Do we look at a disability like Down syndrome in the same capacity as Cancer or Blindness or ADD, even? If my child was sick and dying with Cancer, would I want to take that away? Yes. Blind? Not sure. ADD...? Nah...I'm pretty sure Eden has taken after me and is equally affected by that disorder, lol. Would I take away any of my children's other genetic traits? Eden has blonde hair and doesn't look like me. Would I change that? No, that's silly.

Wyatt isn't "sick" and he's not dying, at least not anymore than the rest of us. Will he have some uphill battles? Absolutely. So what? So will the rest of us. If we take the Down syndrome away, what else are we missing? What other things has that brought, or will bring, which completely enriches our lives? Would I take away what God has given us?

At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter if I would take it away or not. I don't have the option and it's futile to try and dreamily envision a different path. Wyatt is Wyatt. Eden is Eden. I have two great kids, just as they are. Just as HE made them.

And besides, if I took away Down syndrome, I would have never had the chance to sit down and have dinner with those five [EXTRA]ordinary women and have an awesome conversation on a random Tuesday evening.

9 comments:

  1. Sweet! I love how every woman brings something different to the table. I am so thankful I am on this journey with theses amazingly strong, smart, and capable women.

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    1. ME TOO Callie! There's always something that I hadn't thought of or an idea that helps me think through things from a different perspective. We may not always have the same answers, but you're right, everyone brings something different. I'm thankful that we can talk about the tough subjects and be respectful and have fun, all at the same time. It's a wonderful group. Thanks for reading!

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  2. I think the fact that we all know we can speak freely and openly without being judged is even more awesome than the fact we can so seamlessly switch between light and more serious and meaningful conversation. I am so thankful for the amazing group of friends that Leightyn's Ds has brought into my life, and if for no other reason than lifelong friendships, I would not take it away! If not for that common thread it is quite possible that our group of ladies may have never had the chance to meet at all yet here we are.

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  3. Even with poop. You'd still keep it ; ) lol [Sorry, just can't get over it yet]!

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    1. Too funny! Glad we bring some amusement to the group. I agree with Tika that the friendships are to be treasured. While we may all have differing opinions, each person is allowed to voice their opinion and then listens and reflects on others take on that opinion. What we share is so valuable. We share a common respect, compassion, and understanding of the journey we are all on. I have never met a group of women who are so diverse and yet so open-minded. For me, Genevieve's DS has raised my awareness of other's struggles and helps me appreciate the journey even more.

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  4. Thank you for sharing! For many years I've wondered who my sister would be without DS. Would we have the same relationship? Would she be the same person? I have no idea. But I do know that without her life I would not be the same person I am today.
    As a mom I've wished Henry didn't have Tourette syndrome. Many times. But as I am reminded by my level headed husband, Henry's tics bother me, not Henry. What is important is how we raise our children to respond to criticism. Teach them to love others authentically. Teach them acceptance of differences. And question ourselves, How do we judge success as a person? Big goals and questions for our little lives.
    Thank you for your honesty and openness.

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    1. I whittled it down so far to think about what I really want for each of my children. I Came to the end of thought progression, and surprise! It was the same thing: to be happy, healthy and as sucessful as they can possibly be in their own right. With or without disabilities, each child has their unique strengths and weaknesses and what is success for one of my kiddos in school,and in life, is not going to be the same for another person. Thanks for commenting!

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  5. We have Mom's night out With the Butler/Warren group and I look forward to it every month. Most of our group has children a little older than my Hailey so it helps put things in perspective sometimes. We do the same thing...serious conversations and then turn to something off the wall! I'm not sure how to answer the question though. I don't want her struggling but we wouldn't be who we are or her be who she is without it.

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    1. I love seeing the older kids and adults! When we got to Children's I always see two individuals with Ds who work there. I don't know if we have to answer the question, and I think that's the beauty of it. Thanks for reading!

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